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The New Civil Rights Movement --
Racial, Religious and Gender Bias in Dating to be Declared Illegal

By F. JJ. Kiel
 

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) announced that she planned to introduce the most sweeping anti-discrimination legislation in 50 years – a proposal that would ban bias in dating on the basis of race, gender or religion.

“Racial discrimination in dating, as well as religious, gender and ethnic bias, remains the last bastion of our national historical disgrace of slavery and ‘Jim Crow’ laws that kept minorities and women from full access to the system,” Pelosi said at a news conference on the steps of the Capitol.

“Those of us who are grandparents can well remember the classified ads of our youth, when houses for rent or sale, for example, were advertised, ‘for whites only,’ or when job want ads were segregated into male and female sections,” Pelosi said.

The distinguished Speaker told reporters that when she went on a fact-finding trip over the ‘Holiday’ break to Bermuda to investigate the effects of global warming on coral reefs and shopping malls, she began reading British newspapers, widely available in the self-governing territory of the United Kingdom.

“I was so saddened to read the account of a young British-Indian man who bemoaned the racial discrimination he found in trolling for women in personal ads in newspapers or on-line,” Pelosi said.

The Speaker put on a pair of reading glasses and brought out a copy of the Times of London.

“I'm Indian, and the chances are that you're white, and a two-year U.S. study of speed dating, due to be published in the Review of Economic Studies, has concluded that when it comes to attraction, ‘women exhibit stronger racial preferences than men,’” Pelosi read, quoting columnist Sathnam Sanghera in the Dec. 22 edition of the newspaper.

[PDF copy of Times of London column by Mr. Sanghera in attachments. Link:

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/guest_contributors/article3085309.ece.]

Pelosi said it immediately struck her that it was not only unfair but should be illegal that Mr. Sanghera was unable to date any white woman he fancied, but was restricted to non-racist females.

“Mr. Sanghera was too polite to clearly state that the overwhelming majority of white female speed daters insisted upon meeting only with Caucasian males, but that is the clear conclusion of the full report,” Pelosi said.

“Mr. Sanghera was well aware of the contradiction between this facet of life and the body of laws that we have erected over the past five decades to enforce equality,” Pelosi said.

She slipped back on her glasses and read from Sanghera’s column:

“If anyone suggested that they wanted to fill a job vacancy or hotel room with someone of a specific ethnicity, they'd be facing a discrimination charge before they could say ‘Morrissey’. But anything seems to go when it comes to dating.”

The Speaker said that Sanghera had little chance of getting an anti-bias law passed in Britain, which does not have a written constitution with a Bill of Rights. “Listen to his feelings of hopelessness,” Pelosi said. She again read from Sangher’s article: “As dating remains a personal affair, it has remained immune to the influence of political correctness.”

“I don’t think that racist conservatives can simply label a practice so common as dating as a ‘personal affair,’ and therefore immune from government regulation,” Pelosi said. “Dating is every bit as important to our society as employment and housing.”

“We cannot rely on individuals to follow politically correct manners, and only the federal government can step in to enforce them,” she added.

Pelosi then picked up a copy of the San Francisco Chronicle and a printout of Craig’s List for the city, as her aides handed out copies to reporters.

“The blatant racism and sexism of these ads are disgusting,” Pelosi said.

She read from the top sheet. “Sexy Gina, SWF [single white female], early 30s, cute, fit, professional, seeks secure, solvent Caucasian man under 40 for long walks on the beach.”

“I cannot believe how many societal rules this ad breaks, and the law must address it,” Pelosi said. “First, the woman illegally excludes African Americans, East Asians, Hispanics, Indians and Middle Easterners from approaching her for a date. Secondly, it’s been constitutionally settled that lesbians have equal rights and therefore should be able to take ‘Sexy Gina’ out for a night on the town.”

Pelosi looked over the reporters with the gaze of an angry schoolteacher.

“The most despicable part of Gina’s ad is that she wants a person with whom she can take long walks on the beach, a clear violation of the Americans with Disabilities Act,” the House Speaker said. “Gina’s ad automatically excludes people in wheel chairs, in which even powered units cannot maneuver through thick, wet sand.”

Pelosi pulled out and read another personal ad:

“Jewish doctor, 36 years old, athletic, 6’ tall, 180 lbs., blue eyes, cheerful disposition, seeks marriage-minded, slim Jewish lady, preferably easy on the eyes but also smart as a whip, between the ages of 25 and 31.”

“Harrumph,” Pelosi groaned. “How many things should be illegal in this ad? We have no religious apartheid in America, but this ad is only one of thousands that demonstrate the underground apartheid that humiliates so many citizens.”

Pelosi also accused the doctor of two counts of ‘lookism,’ by restricting responses to pretty women and slim women.

“A plain-looking, 250-pound evangelical Christian woman should have the same right to date this doctor as a Jewish model,” Pelosi said. “He’s also guilty of ageism in demanding that respondents fall into a certain age range. A 70-year-old woman of today is the new 50, and should be able to date this doctor is she so wishes.”

Pelosi said the doctor was also openly discriminating against people of normal intelligence, which she called another “blight” that she hoped a Democratic government would soon address.

Pelosi said that her staff would spend the next several months drawing up a civil rights bill on dating.

“I promise you this, there will be no quota system,” Pelosi said. “We won’t propose a silly arrangement in which, to take an example, each and every black woman must date men and lesbians on a basis proportional to their numbers in the U.S. population. No black woman would go to jail if police discovered that 65% of her dates were not with white men, 15% Hispanic, 12% African American, 4% Asian, 2% Native American and 10% lesbian.”

Instead, her staff will assemble data on the numbers of single people in the United States and will use the 2000 census to determine the proportion of each race.

“If people could show a pattern in particular cities or states that demonstrated that one group was not dating a representative sampling of other races and genders, the injured parties would be able to file a class action suit, say, against all white women in Idaho who date only white men.”

Pelosi said that her bill, however, would contain felony criminal violations if the government can prove that a person specifically refused to date a person because of race, religion or gender.

Pelosi admitted that the transsexuals, “who have every right as any other patriotic American,” presented a more vexing problem.

“I mean, do transsexuals who once were men date women, or other guys? Should a transsexual have the legal right to demand dates with male body builders as well as female beauty queens?” Pelosi asked. “We have no consistent answer so that I’ll be putting an earmark into the first bill of 2008 for a commission to study this problem, at a bare bones budget of just $120 million.”

Pelosi finished her news conference by saying, “Our long national nightmare will soon be over.”

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